People who live with chronic or terminal illnesses constantly experience a lack of control. On one side of the scale is death. On the other, the side effects of the medication, minimal movement, and oxygen. No contest. The feeling of losing something that gave your life meaning is profoundly upsetting.
And it happens often with chronic and terminal illnesses. An active person might think that no longer being able to walk is tragic, but the inability to knit is inconsequential.
Yet for someone with rheumatoid arthritis whose entire life centered around knitting, the loss is devastating. Many chronic and most terminal illnesses result in life-changing losses. The ability to knit may disappear, but its memory is constantly present. We think with our minds, not our bodies. But we know the relationship between mind and body is strong.
While he sometimes understood that the cancer was changing him, during those lucid moments he realized that he had no control over what was happening to him. The ability to think and act rationally can be effected by changes in metabolism and the occurrence of pain. There always appeared to be a cause. And often it was a physical change. Most of us want predictability in our lives. If I buy an apple tomorrow I expect that it will taste similar to the one I ate yesterday.
When the traffic light turns green for me, I expect cars to my left and right to stop so I can go through the intersection without being hit. But what if that apple I had yesterday tastes like an onion today or it became optional for anyone facing a red light to wait until it turned green?
I could stop eating apples and wait until no cars were present before going through a green light. But what if the unpredictability spread into other areas of my life?
My anxiety would become palpable. For many people with chronic or terminal illnesses, predictability may be an illusive state of being. One day, the illness is controlled either by medication or who knows what, the next day it comes on with the power of a sledgehammer. The uncertainty involves the course it will take. People with terminal illnesses often wonder how much pain they will have to endure or the extent of reduced abilities until the body just gives up.
It is difficult to prevent the effects of any one of the above elements from having a negative impact on relationships. Living with all of the elements, and quite often having to deal with them simultaneously, is mind-boggling. Experiencing chronic and terminal illnesses is not a static event. As a Buddhist for most of my adult life, I would like to believe that. But as someone who has been involved in the lives of people who have chronic and terminal illnesses, I know the difficulty in believing in a concept when all you can think about is the loss of something that was critical to your happiness, unrelenting pain, or a future envisioned, but unobtainable.
The anger and sarcasm vented in my presence is rarely about something I have done I certainly hope not! The balance is probably out-of-wack.
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Thoughts on care work from Cori, our director, that hit your inbox each Monday morning more-or-less. The difference however is that this year I believe Vic went from chronic illness to terminal illness. This year the medical profession has given up hope.
Brendon has categorically stated he will perform no further gastrointestinal operations on Vic, The orthopedic surgeon refuses to pin her arm and the physician cancels blood tests… On Friday we went back to the orthopod as her hand is so swollen and the pain is getting worse in the arm.
The X-rays showed that the fracture has been aggravated. The displacement worse and yet he cannot do anything. The sepsis from the spine and abdomen will spread to the arm. It is so soul destroying that no-one is prepared to try anymore. This year every darn doctor has refused me. I have always been able to bully them into trying one more time…just one more time. I cannot take Vic to another gastroenterologist because someone who does not know the condition of her abdomen will certainly cause her death.
I know her arm is really hurting. She asked me to lay with her and I held her until her sobs subsided and her breathing became deep and peaceful. Sorry for what? That she has failed at surviving and truly bouncing back.
Gill gently suggested that I blog happy moments… So when I sat down tonight I tried to think of happy moments to share but I could not! Gill says my blog is sad and I suppose it is. The blog however mirrors my deepest feelings. I am sad for my beautiful little girl. I am sad seeing Vic deteriorate and her suffering increase. I am sad for my beautiful grandsons and the despair in their eyes when they look at their Mom….
I am a sixty plenty wife, mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January at She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend.
I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. This is a true story of a mother who do not give up — Ters this is very good to talk to yourself in this blog but give us the understanding of what really happens. I do not know a fraction of how you really felt or how you handle this.
We as family sort of was to scared to pick Vic when she was small and Anty Anna was so kwaai with us that we dare not even try. Daarom het ons afstand familie geword wat geensins bystand gegee het net omdat ons te bang was om te vra of daaroor te mag praat of net te kon aanraak So sorry that we live so apart and start to be involved in our own family.
Like Like. Ouma Anna was so beskermend teenoor Vic!!! Nie jou skuld nie. Daar is niks om oor skuldig te voel nie! Even more terrifying is the fact that because these people are parts of us, we may change more than they from the experience.
Which is great. The prognosis : — Vic would not live to be older than 12 Vic survived her 12th birthday and got married at the age of It was a difficult pregnancy. Vic survived and so did Jon-Daniel. Everyone has given up on Vic. Like this: Like Loading Published by. Pingback: September and awareness of pain « tersiaburger.
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